It has been awhile hasnt it? A short hiatus turned into a long one.

Time for myself has been rare to come by nowadays. All bcos... apart from being a mom 24/7, i now have a full time job and taking a part time diploma 3 evenings a week. So does that explain how busy i am this days?

I have wanted to go back to studying for the longest time but i never really acted on it. I applied for a part time diploma a few years back but was turned down as my qualification and work experience wasnt enough. Then i totally gave up after tht. I didnt even bother to try again until recently. It was more of like an impromptu decision and was just trying my luck. A few months later, i got an acceptance letter. I WAS SPEECHLESS. Like what? Is this a dream? I was surprised but happy at the same time. And now.. it has been 2 weeks since i started school. BEST DECISION EVER.

OH! The twins are turning ONE next weekend!!!! Its unbelievable how fast time flies. So many milestones for the past few months. Both of them are so different in so many ways and their achievements are different as well. Aaira's first word is CAT. CAT!!!! Not umi not abi but CAT!!!! She can even point to the picture of a cat when we ask her where is the cat. Alhan on the other hand has taken his first few steps. He is learning to walk on his own. And its so adorable to see him try to walk. Oh oh! Alhan also had his very first haircut at the barbershop! Every time they learn something new, i start to tear up a little. #emotionalmum

The best thing after having a stressful and tiring day at work and school is when i come home to see their faces. The joy that they show when i stand infront of the gate. Its just indescribable. I am thankful for my parents and in laws for helping me with the kids while Fatboy and i are at work and schooling. If it weren't for them, i wouldnt be able to go back to work much less school.

Ive got to go back to my school work and i will try to come back soon.

Love,
Shasha.

Another apology for the 2 month long hiatus once again. I havent been able to find the time to sit down and update this space. Time for myself is very hard to come by nowadays.

But im not going to leave this space to rot. I will be back, hopefully soon.

With Love,
Shasha.

Let me start off by apologising for the 2 month long hiatus. Being a mother has totally taken up all my time. Well, not exactly all but most of my time. It is tiring, seriously. If any other mothers tell you differently, they're lying.

Anyway.. let's start with a kind off summary of my birth story. Well, atleast from what i remember.
On 4th November 2015, i had an appointment with the gynae. Upon seeing the the gynae, i was told that i was overdue. By then, i was already 38weeks and 5 days. Well, the due date was supposed to be 13th November 2015. So i really didnt feel like it was time for me to give birth. But seeing that i was having twins, the gynae was afraid that it will be harder for me to give birth if i waited any longer. I was asked to report back to the hospital on 5th November 2015, 1am. They were going to induce me. Part of me was scared but part of me wanted the babies to be out. Went home, got all the things ready.. left the house at 11pm, had supper and reached the hospital 30mins to 1. Got a room, changed into the gown and waited. By that time, i was only 1cm dilated.

Honestly, i dont really remember much of that day. I was put on drip, not allowed to eat or drink. They burst my waterbag at 5am i think? And we waited.. again. I couldnt feel much of the contractions eventhough the nurse said that it was quite strong. I fell in and out of sleep for the next few hours, so did Fatboy. He was with me thruout the night. It was exhausting, seriously.

I opted for normal delivery. But i regretted making that decision as soon as i heard what the doctor had to say. Thruout my checkups, i was not told that my husband will not be with me when i deliver. Why? Bcos i will be giving birth in the operation theatre. Just as i am about to give birth, they tell me this piece of IMPORTANT news. Who wouldnt want their husband with them during this experience? I was pissed, but i couldnt do anything.

Back to the birth story... i started pushing at about 7ish in the evening? I was fully dilated by then. At this point, i could already feel every single contractions as the epidural has already worn off. And boy did it hurt. Pushed and pushed.. nothing. Baby A refused to go down any further even though her head was already visible. 1.5hrs of pushing, and nothing. Right there and then, i decided to just go for C-sect. I couldnt do it anymore. I was exhausted. It was a tough decision to make, but i knew it was for the best. At first the doctor refused. She even tried to twist Baby A inside of me which i was protesting thruout. I mean, i clearly said that i will just go with the C-sect, why in the world do you need to try and turn the baby??? I would have kicked the doctor's face if i had a choice. FINALLY, they decided to do the C-sect.

So there i was.. being prepped for surgery and wheeled to the operation theatre. Said goodbye to the husband who looked pretty emotional while i was high on epidural but prepared to see the babies.  At 2214hrs, Baby A was born at 2487g and 47cm and 1 minute later, at 2215hrs, Baby B was born at 3091g and 49cm. I didnt get to do skin to skin as i was running a fever, thanks to the epidural. Side track abit... i had all the symptoms/side effect after taking the epidural. Vomiting, checked! Shivers, checked! Fever, checked! Anyway, the moment i saw the twins... i started crying.

It felt amazing. I couldnt contain my tears, this little tiny human beings was mine and they came from inside of me. Still in the operation theatre, i felt blessed and thankful for this two wonderful beings.
The whole birth experience was a little traumatic for me. From not being given the whole information to the doctor refusing to do what i wanted to .. but at the end of day, what im happy about is the kids being brought into this world safely. Will i do it again? Idk. I cant answer that question anytime soon.

Now at 5 months old, they're the best thing that i can ever ask for. Oh ya, let me introduce to you Baby A, Aaira Faiqah and Baby B, Alhan Faiq.

I will be back once i have the time of course.

With love,
Shasha.

I should have probably updated months ago but motherhood has totally kept me busy. But fret not, i will be back. As soon as i have at least a few hours to myself, i will definitely update this space with the latest happenings plus how motherhood has been for me.

For now, i shall leave here with a promise to be back.

Love,
Shasha.

Oh well, hello!

Ive been up since... idk, 4am i think. Sleep deprivation when you're pregnant is really taking its effect on me. But it hasnt been so bad actually. I will either sleep really late or wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep. Usually it will be the latter. Today is one of those days where suddenly 2 hours of sleep seems enough. I remember falling asleep roughly around 2am, woke up at 4am to pee and here i am, wide awake and unable to go back to sleep.

Apart from that, the humid weather caused by the haze is seriously bothering me. I do not have the luxury of an air conditioner in the room. Sweating while sleeping is not comfortable at all. I will always end up waking up and trying to cool myself down before gg back to sleep which always ends up with me sleeping about.... 5 hours later. Believe me, it is not fun at all. With a constant aching back, a humid weather, a husband who always tries to invade my sleeping space, i can never get enough sleep. So much for "Enjoy your sleep before the baby comes!". No people, there is no such thing as sleeping comfortably before the baby comes.

This is basically me complaining at 630 in the morning because i am so frustrated with the weather. I am sitting directly below the fan in the living room and STILL sweating. I know that the weather is not exactly the only factor that is contributing to the unwanted sweating, being pregnant is another factor too. OMG, just as i was complaining... it started raining!! HEAVILY!!! Alhamdullilah!!

Since im here... might as well update on the pregnancy journey as well.

To keep it short and simple, it will be anytime now. EDD is supposed to be Nov 13, but that would not happen for sure. The last time i went for my appt, the doctor suggested i induced but i managed to delay it for another week. This coming Monday will be my nxt appt and im pretty sure the doctor will suggest the same thing. This time, i am not saying no. The weight that im carrying is taking is toll on my back now. Walking anywhere far is quite impossible for me which means i havent been out of the house for awhile now. Feels like confinement, dont you think?

Okay, i really need to find a way to make myself feel comfortable.

Lots of Love,
Shasha.

It has taken awhile for me to actually have the mood to blog. But finally, here i am!

Pregnancy journey as promised.

Finding out i was pregnant was quite a surprise for me. The signs hit me like a storm. The first sign was not being able to wake up for work. I am a morning person, waking up early in the morning has never been a problem for me. But suddenly its like torture every morning, i had to force myself out of bed EVERY single morning. Then came the exhaustion. I was tired all the time, I'll sleep on the way to work, while doing my work, lunchtime, on the way home from work, and the moment i reach home from work. I slept at every available moment i could. All i could ever think of was my bed. Which was weird as i was never that tired before. You should have already figured out whats next. The vomiting. Brushing my teeth in the morning was the hardest. Anything i ate thruout the day always came back out. I was vomiting all day everyday. No kidding this one. I could sleep and suddenly wake up just to vomit. It was that bad. But even with all those signs.. i refuse to actually believe i was pregnant. Until i missed my period. I gave myself a week before getting a pregnancy test. I didnt tell Fatboy anything about this whole ordeal. I kept telling him that i was coming down with the flu. 

So one day after work on 11 March 2015 i rushed home, this happened,

YUP. RESULTS SHOWED POSITIVE. TWICE.

I stayed in the toilet for a good 30 mins. Seeing the two lines made me smile and wanted to cry at the same time. I just got married about a month before and now im pregnant? I planned to atleast wait for a year. I was panicking. But eventually, in that 30 mins i was in the toilet... i accepted that this was all god's plan and i am thankful for it. 

I didnt plan a big surprise on how to tell Fatboy. Just as we were about to sleep, i took out the test and showed him. His reaction was priceless. It was the only time i have ever seen him with tears in his eyes. Member doesnt cry over anything, dier boring like that. But this time... he was!! He couldnt stop smiling and to see him that way, reassured me that its something he wants too. 

So the next day, we got it officially checked out at the polyclinic. Again, it was positive. Coincidentally, we had a family dinner that night so sharing the news with the family was pretty much settled. I remember my mom crying over the news. But to be fair, dier memang emotional hehe.

To keep things short, a couple of weeks later....

It has been a rollercoaster ride ever since.

First trimester was really hard on me. I ended up having to leave my job due to being sick too often. Which was a tough decision as i loved my job but it was the only choice i had. So now im a full time housewife! Eh not easy also okay. 

Second trimester thankfully was a breeze. The vomiting stopped, my appetite came back, my energy was boosted, wah i felt awesome. Except for the backache which never went away and only got worse. In case you were wondering, yes i do know the gender but lets keep that a secret till i give birth okay?

And here i am on my final journey, the third and final trimester. So far, it has not been easy. Ive had an infection, rashes all over my body but thankgod nothing serious. How big have i gotten?

 

For someone who is at 7 months, i get alot of comments saying how small i look. I do not feel small at all. I have gained 20kg so far since getting pregnant which is alot of weight in my books but, not to fret.. the doctor has not made a big hooha out of it. So i am fine. Mama has made me pack my hospital bag (which i have done halfway) as she is worried i might give birth anytime. Her worrying has made me worried too. Please stay baking inside till 13 November atleast okay? 

I have got to thank the husband for being such a darling thru this journey. He has been giving me foot rubs, back rubs, head rubs, all type of rubs lah. He has also been extremely patient with me and i am really thankful for it. He feels terrible for making me this way, maybe thats why he has been super nice? HAHAHAHA. 

Anyway, i shall end here and come back some other time with some other story to tell.

With love,

Shasha.

IM BACK! 2 months is a long time to be lazy to blog and i cant keep this blog collecting dust any longer. From the last update, i said something about a surprise. Well..... excited to know what it is about now? If you have followed me on other social media platforms, its not exactly a surprise anymore as ive posted pictures about it. But seeing that i havent posted about it here.... kirekan mcm debut gitulah. 

So, this happened.

 

In case you think i had too much to drink or too much to eat.. you're right. I ate too much and looked like that. Alrights, that definitely wasnt the case. Yes, I AM EXPECTING!!! That picture above was taken about 2 months ago? Believe me, i kept on going back and forth about sharing any pictures but i guess it was about time that i shared the news. Happy news must be shared right? 

As of now, i am about 5 months. And i look like this.. 

I have grown way bigger from every corner. I havent been taking monthly bump pics and honestly, that is only two that i have. Bcos the rest of the months i pretty much looked the same. 

I thought of sharing the whole rollercoaster pregnancy journey in this post as well, but ive decided to keep it to another day. Atleast i have something to post about for my next update. Hehe. This time i shall promise that it wont take another 2 months. 

Lots of Love,

Shasha who feels like a ball now.

I believe its about time that i update this space. As promised... i should prolly start of with the wedding. It has been exactly 127 days since the wedding, (Yes, i still have the countdown app on my phone which explains the exact number of days.) and obviously this is way way way overdue. Let's just start of with the vendors.

Catering & Deco : Sri Anggun Wedding Services
Makeup & Outfit : The Wedding Brocade
Photo & Video : RedTape Projects
Photo booth : Fotos-La-Booth
Kacang Puteh Booth : Family
Henna : Vogues Art Henna
Wedding Invites : i-Kahwin
Ring : Gems by Gem
Berkat Boxes : A vendor from Fb which i have totally forgotten.
DJ : A friend of mom.

And there you go... all the vendors which i can actually remember.

For me to actually recap the whole event will be impossible. My memory hasnt been really well for the past few months. But to help me with it, here are some pretty pretty pictures which i can never never get enough of.

 Like what the photographer told us, MESTI NAK KENE SELFIE. Which we did. This was definitely before the kadi arrived. Bcos the moment the kadi arrived, all the seriousness and nervousness came with him as well.

The much anticipated Handshake which literally got me shaking, and crying bcos i am emotional like that.

EH EH DAH HALAL LAH!

The rings which we customised for this special event and which i am still in love with every second of the day. Not more than the suami of course.

 A little peek into our photoshoot at the nearby Macdonalds. This is the place we kind off introduced ourselves officially about 4 years ago. You have got no idea the amount of stares we got arriving there looking all dressed up with our photographer and videographer in tow. But kita dua orang tktau malu so it was all well.

 Next up for the photoshoot was ITE CCK. There isnt much significance to this place really. We were both from this school before we started dating and still was dating. I guess we kinda got closer here too. I remember he used to always nag at me when i chose to walk home from school bcos the bus is either always full or takes forever to arrive. And we werent even dating then! Belum apape dah naggy!

Those two guys there are life savers, seriously. Nizam and Ilham are Fatboy's bestman. They were really helpful thruout the whole event. I didnt have any bridesmaid and they kinda became the stand in. Life savers i tell you.

I opted for a simple henna design because i didnt want my hands to look entirely covered in orange for the event. Best decision ever bcos it looks so pretty! I only had it on for about 6 hours i think? Thank god thruout that 6 hours i didnt have to pee or anything or else...  

And ini lah dia.. suami saya. Si agent Propnex. Seems like it dont you think?

Okay no. HANDSOME KAN ABG NI PKAI GINI!!! Everyday dress up like this for your wife can?

After the whole event was over, i was exhausted. It was weird actually as what i did all day was just sit and smile. So if you think sitting and smiling for a million pictures is not tiring... get married. I am glad everything went smoothly. None of the vendors screwed up. family was totally awesome and helpful. The planning was hell but end product, totally worth it. Even till this very day, i still cant believe i am married. And now with 100 over days since the wedding, i got to say... i want to get married again please. With the same person, boleh? BEST EXPERIENCE EVER, HANDS DOWN.

Well, thats it. Up next... a suprise.

With love,

Shasha.

I told myself i will come back here and update as much as possible but that definitely did not happen. The last time i was here was 2 months ago and alot has happened since then. Fret not, i will back very soon with exciting updates and wedding pictures as well!

With love,

Shasha.

I am bored. Bored to the extent that i may fall asleep any second with my face falling flat on the keyboard. ITS MONDAY, which means the laziness and sleepiness tends to be a little more extra compared to other days. The only good thing about this particular monday? Time is passing by real fast. I do not have any work to accompany me today, i am at work but there is nothing to do. No invoices, no agency fees.. nothing. Zilch. Which can only mean one thing, it will come in at one shot one of these days and i will regret complaining not having anything to do. I have about 1.5 hrs to end work and i am looking forward to the journey back home, sleeping.

My weekend was mundane. I didnt do anything productive at all. I spent the whole of Saturday just lazing around marathon-ing on Suits and catching up on other drama series as well. Fatboy was working, Mom was in Batam, Bro was working , so was Papa. Leaving me all alone at home, which made me 10 times lazy to even get out of the room. Sunday was abit better thoh, i did the chores before starting on my marathon once again. Bcos once again, i was left alone at home and hungry. No, i did not bother to cook anything. Nobody was home to enjoy it with me anyway. Most boring weekend ever.

Now im hungry. I really cant wait for 530 now.

With Love,
Shasha who needs food now now now.

I told myself that i will update my blog as often as possible when i got married but i have failed terribly. Its not that i have been busy. But more like i have been lazy and a little busy. I usually do my updates at work but i have been kinda swamped with work lately, unexpectedly. I finally have some time on my hand so here i am. In addition to that, i have a new laptop to replace the old spoiled one. Yayy to that bcos now i can update from the comfort of my own bedroom.

As i have said in my earlier post, i will do a wedding review. But.. i do not have any pictures to accompany that post so i decided to just do it when i get all the pictures from the photographer, which i am excited to share. Only thing is that it will only be ready next month. It seems like forever and by the time i get the pictures, my wedding will seem like old news.

Anyway, married life has been treating me nicely. I enjoy being married so far. Its nice to have someone to share my day with every night. Only downside to that is, the husb works night shift sometimes and it sucks when i have to call him to say goodnight instead of turning to my left. Apart from that, it has been great. It was hard getting used to the idea of being married at first. Having to call his parents by Mak and Bapak instead of Cik.. for the first two weeks, i practically avoided calling them anything. Its easier now obviously as it just comes out naturally.

I have never been someone to bother to cook when my mom decides to take a break. Im usually the eat out type of person. Nowadays, i try my best to cook on Sundays. Which means i have to cook tomorrow but i have no idea what i want to cook. I prolly should start making a list of Sunday dishes to make my life easier.

Oh wow, i really have no idea what else there is to say. I guess this shall sum up the pretty pointless update.

With Love,
Shasha. The one who needs to think about what to cook tmrw.

Can you believe it? I am married. It still feels surreal everyday even though it has already been 11 days since the solemnization. In all honesty, that day was the best day of my life, hands down. I am glad that everything went pretty smoothly, from the solemnization all the way to the sanding the next day. Thanks to every single one of my family members. I feel totally blessed seeing everyone work together to ensure everything went smoothly. Can i do it one more time please? I wish i had more pictures to post but unfortunately, i do not have much. There is so much good things to say about the wedding! I will probably do it in parts as it will take quite awhile to put everything in detail. All the more reason to get a laptop so i can do it at home instead of work.

Ive got to say.. coming back to work after almost 2 weeks of leave feels tiring? On the bright side, it is half day today which means i can leave in 1.5 hrs. Boy, am i excited for that. I do not have much work to clear up as Accounts has been nice enough to finish up my work for me. Which leaves me with 8700 emails to clear. No i am not kidding you. But shasha being shasha, i just marked everything as read. Who in the right mind would read 8700 emails? That would take anyone more than a day to finish. Another long weekend coming up and i can foresee another load of emails to be cleared by Monday. So coming back to work today pretty much means me wasting time for 4 hours.

The reality of being married hasnt really sink in for me. But for the past few days.. it has been so blissful. He has been the nicest human being to me and i feel so so so appreciated. Is this the perks of being married? Bcos i am sure liking every moment of it. Definitely feel that the pressure and stress of planning the wedding is worth it. Every moment and cents.

With love,
Shasha yang dah kahwin!!!

With nothing much in mind to blog, let me just remind myself that i have.....

With love,

Shasha who still cant believe that it really is happening.

Eh eh the sleepiness is attempting to take control. It does not help that the system at work is under maintenance and there is absolutely nothing to do. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 2 more long hours to go and i can barely keep my eyes open. I am so tempted to just watch a movie on my phone or something, but... itu dah melebih. What im looking forward to right now is to finish work and meet the girls. 6pm, cepat boleh?

Anyway.. this will be my last weekend as someone's fiancee. You all excited or not? Bcos i know i am. Time really flies by really fast, suddenly im left with 8 days. I can hear my heart beating even faster as the day draws near. All wedding preps is done, and i can finally put my mind at ease and just look forward to the big day. We even went from no dulang to having dulang. All thanks to Fatboy's sister and cousin, which i am really grateful for. Fatboy and i initially agreed on not having any dulang.. so this came as a huge suprise but i have nothing but countless thank yous for the two ladies. Fatboy says that his sister and cousin has always wanted a babysister, so to have me join the family is somewhat similar.

In all honesty, i really do not have any idea what to blog about. The only reason im here is to prevent myself from falling asleep. I am racking my brains right now but nothing is coming out. I have run out of brain juices to create a post interesting enough to read. I have been here for almost 1.5 hrs now.

Dinner with Shima and Roy last night went really well. Its been awhile since all 4 of us ate dinner together and catch up. And Shima told me to keep my hair long even after the wedding. Honestly, i have thoughts of that too, really. But i have only kept my hair long twice, i think. The only reason for that was because i permed it and kept it long enough for me to be able to cut the curls out without having to rebond my hair. This is on both occasions. Apart from that, it has always been short. Do you know how troublesome it is to wash it? It takes forever to dry. And the ends... somehow is always dry as well. Even now, i have the temptation to just cut it all off. With all that said, i might actually try to keep it long and at least try NOT to perm it or cut it. We'll see, shall we?

15 mins more to end work!!!!!!!!! Ready for the weekends?

With love,
Shasha who tak sabar nak enjoy the weekends at home.

Are you excited as i am?

Honestly, there isnt any major happenings since the new year. Wedding wise.. everything is pretty settled. So what has happened since the last time i was here?

Well..

I bought the bedroom furniture (FINALLY!) and it has arrived!!! Yes, i am now sleeping on a queen sized bed alone. The cleaning process was horrible i tell you. Being extremely allergic to dust, it was tough trying to clean the room and not feel sick at the same time. I wore a mask but i still sneezed like crazy and my eyes.. omg my eyes. It became so red and watery that i thought i was gg to have sore eyes for the nxt few days.  My room isnt really that dusty but the moment you move a big furniture, the dust that is collected behind it... i can make a small dust bed. Managed to clean the whole area and put all my clothes in boxes within a span of 5 hours. It took 5 hours to clean one whole room which isnt that big to start with. I definitely threw out a lot of clothes and there are some i have put aside to be given away. This was done 3 days before the furniture was due to arrive. My room looked like a rented room with all the boxes the nxt few days with just a mattress for me to sleep on. The 5 hours of sneezing is definitely worth it bcos i love how my room looks now! So bersih, dust free. Only problem is.. my room smells like a furniture shop.

The ring has also been collected!!!! Ever since i was informed that it was ready i was mad excited to collect it. And when we finally collected it, it was really hard for me to stop smiling. It turned out way better than i expected. It is just well.. perfect. I have decided not to wear it with the engagement ring as it looks better on its own.

With all the collection done.. what left is just to look forward to the big day. 
16 DAYS EVERYBODY! 

Till next time,
Shasha, who hates sleeping on a huge bed alone.

2014.

It was one hell of a tough year. I lost a few people who i thought were friends, but to compensate the anger and sadness i felt.. i also gained a few new friends and revived old friendships which at one point meant the world to me. It really was an eye opener to see what people can say about you without finding out the truth. But i have decided to put that whole episode behind me and never in a million years look back upon it. I promised myself that i will not ponder upon what happened and what i could have done to avoid it. Somehow, i am thankful that this year was tough. Everything that happened within the year taught me alot of valuable lessons on friendship, family and life itself.

2014 was also a crucial year for all the wedding planning. Fatboy and i turned 1 year as an engaged couple and boy, was it hard. The whole engagement was tough as hell. So many different struggles and obstacles which we had to go thru. There were times i was close to giving up and had thoughts of just packing my bags and leaving, yes it was that bad. The arguments that happened, the "i dont think this is gg to work out." moments, the "im gg to kill you by the end of the day" moments and believe me there were alot of those.. it wasnt as smooth as i thought it will be. I was warned beforehand and chose to believe otherwise until i had to go thru it myself. Amidst all the struggles, there were also good times which i prefer to remember. Look at where we are now, just 29 days to the big day. I like to see this whole process as a learning journey for the both of us. It has taught me so many different things about the Fatboy, and myself even. How much we have to improve ourselves to be better, how talking things out always solves the problem, how screaming at each other every time something goes wrong should not even be part of our dictionary and so many more. And with so little days left, i can say that all the battles have been worth it.

2015.

Less than a month before i create a new chapter in my book, in sya allah, Officially being someone's wife is a big step and i would like to think that i am ready, kalau masih tk ready tktau nak cakap ape lagi, Who would have thought that Shasha, who has never been easy to handle and Firdaus, who has no patience for anything would get married? 

Yes, i have hopped on the Reflection of 2014 bandwagon. Well, not entirely the whole of 2014 cos itu.. tujuh hari tujuh malam pun tak habis. Just the highlights of the year. Even though its not entirely all the happy events, its those that taught me a lesson in life. Chey . It wouldnt have been called a tough year if it was all smiles and laughters, you agree? Resolution for this new year? Nothing. With a whole of procrastination to and fro, i dont think a making resolution will help. What i hope to achieve in 2015? To not have the "Marriage Sydrome" after i get married. There shall be no talks of "Nak masak ape eh hari ni". "I have alot of laundry to do today" "Hari ni banyak keje nak buat kat rumah." to my friends but only to the husband. Hehe. If i go on, the list will never end.

So till next time,

Shasha, the one who has joined the #kakakkakaknakkahwin clan according to her friend, Amy who is also part of it.

Big Day Countdown : 43 DAYS.

With only an hour left before i leave this office, here i am again. It is definitely one of my lazy Friday where i dont feel like doing anything at all. I have work piling up but i did not even bother to look at it. Yes, i am that lazy today. I will just start on it on Monday.

I have realised thru the years that i have a problem. A problem which i have tried to get rid of for the longest time, ever since i found out about it. But up till this very day, it is still there. It just refuses to go away no matter how hard i try. Believe me, i have tried.. countless times. The problem isnt so bad now, it has become easier to handle but it still wont go away. So what is the problem exactly?

My mood swings. Its not just any regular moodswings, its those moodswings where i will get mad anytime of the day sometimes over nothing. I just get really mad. My heart will start racing, and sometimes my hands will start trembling. Then there are those days where i will cry over everything. Like everything is suddenly really sad and i have to cry or i'll get mad for not being able to cry. There are also those days where i'll just be happy and ramble nonstop. The worse of those three is definitely the anger. It always hard to stay calm when i get angry. Let's go a little deeper into that.

When i say i get angry, i really get angry. I try my best not to smash anything or break someone's face. Although sometimes i fail terribly. Oh, there was once i was upset and mad, i just threw my iphone at Fatboy. It wasnt the kental throw at bantal type of throw, it was the shotput strength type of throwing. The worse part was, i hoped the phone broke into a million pieces. I totally didnt care about anything else. And truth to be told, the phone was destroyed. The screen cracked in so many places, it was hard to even look at it without my hair standing. Not a proud moment at all. Even my pockets shattered when i had to repair the phone. Bad move shasha, bad move. There really is many more instances where i "accidentally" destroyed something in my fits of anger but let's just keep that to some other day.

The person who got it worse than anyone else is Fatboy. He has gone thru so many of my weird mood swings, that sometimes he is already waiting for it to happen. I am definitely thankful that despite my random mood changes, he still sticks by me. Sometimes he does try to calm me down, but sometimes, budak ni pun ader tahap kesabaran. It seems like i have an anger issue within the moodswings. One thing about this, i have to let it out. I have to let out my anger. Be it by ranting somewhere, or screaming at the next available person or just smoke my ass off until i feel better. Yes, ppl have gotten scolded for no reason but just bcos there were there. I usually feel bad about it when i have calmed down which usually takes a few hours, and apologize. And i am not saying it is a good thing, at all.

Why do i call this a problem? During this fit of anger, i hurt people. Not physically, but emotionally. The words that i use, the sentences that i say are quite hurtful. Even all the feelings i kept inside, just starts pouring out. It hurts people's feelings. I do not know how many countless people that i have hurt by the things that i say. I dont do it intentionally obviously.. it just somehow happens. I have tried keeping all the anger in, but doing that makes me feel even worst. It feels like i need to let them know how i feel, in order for them to realise what the problem is. I have never been a person to keep my feelings to myself. If i dont like something, i say it straight to their face. Filter pn kadang2 lupa nak pakai. So mixing my personality and anger together? Not a good combination.

I know that this anger issue/moodswings have got to go. But i have tried so many different ways, but the only thing is has helped it lessen it. Not keeping it under control. I just want it to go away, for good. Like gone and never returning. I know i have to change for the good of my future. I am still trying, as hard as it is. And i want to keep trying. Not just for myself, but for everyone else around me. In sya allah, i will overcome this annoying issue which has bugged me for most of my life.

Till next time,

Shasha the one who wants to change.

45 days till the big day.

Good News?
Cards: Collected. Love the design thoh i didnt expect it to be huge + all put in envelopes and ready to be distributed.
Berkat boxes: Received and have already began folding.

Bad news?
THE BANTING DATE IS WRONG. I did not notice the error from the moment they drafted the design all the way to receiving it. I guess i was paying too much attention to the details of the card that i didnt notice this tiny error. The date stated on the banting is 8 FEBRUARY 2014. 2014!!! If that was my engagement date, i wouldnt mind. But its not even close. I cant undo the damage and sending it back to the shop means additional charges (I got it for free, mind you). It isnt such a big deal actually since its not really important but wasted you know. So papa has decided to try and amend it using a black marker nearing the date. We'll see how it turns out. If it looks really ugly, i'll just make do without that banting. Only sad thing is that, i really like the picture on it. Its my fav raya pic of all time. Oh the sadness! Takpe lah, next time i print that picture really big and buat wallpaper je.

Thats not the only bad news. I have to cancel the photobooth i booked a couple of months back. Due to insufficient manpower or something along those lines, there are not able to provide a backdrop. Apart from that, guests have to pay $1 for if they want a copy for themselves. And the family isnt happy. So... i have to now find one which provides free pictures for the guest plus a backdrop. The search begins!

Nothing exciting happening except for the wedding itself. Which means, back to back wedding updates until the end of the much awaited day.

Till the next wedding update,

Shasha who has nothing else to talk about except for the wedding at the moment.

COUNTDOWN : 50 DAYS

Only an hour left before im off from work and i thought why not update since im very free, actually i wasnt really doing anything the whole day today. Like no work at all. + theres exciting news!

THE CARD AND BERKAT IS READY FOR COLLECTION!!!!! Well, the berkat will be delivered, Only the card has to be collected. And not only that, the berkat is on its way to my house now. And and AND, Fatboy and i will be collecting the card later on! Mak ai, happy tak terkate.

Initially, we wanted to collect the cards on the 24th. We planned the whole itinerary for that day including gg to the tailor already but as usual, something will not go right. This time, his sister needs to use the car. So we had to find an alternative date and seeing that i do not have off days on weekdays, and the boy rarely has a weekend off, it was quite a problem. It did eventually become a small issue, but no worries.. all is resolved. So what did we come up with? Obviously to go today, seeing that his sister is not using the car plus i end work at 530 instead of 6 and he is finishing work at 430. So rush rush rush today to reach Jalan Padi Emas before the shop closes at 9. Right now, i can barely contain my excitement. Not bcos i cannot sabar to give the cards, but i have been looking forward to see the printed designs. It has always been emails, so now finally... the real thing.

Excitement for wedding related stuff aside, the weekends are here! Nothing exciting gg to be happening this weekend. Just more weddings, esp since its december. Back to back pulak tu, boleh jadi makcik2 jemputan you know. Apart from weddings, nothing. But im just glad its the weekends as i get to laze around all day catching up on all the series i have missed for the week. Ini baru orang kate, pemalas.

Why does this blog seem to have evolved into those wedding blogs? 

Anyway... 15 mins to end work.

So adios amigos, weekend here i come!

Shasha.